As a people in western culture, we grow up and eventually leave our home. During this time away, we change, and hopefully, become better humans.
Has this happened to you? Did you, at one point, move away from home and then come back only to find out that you are not the same person you used to be? Maybe you moved back and found that the family you once left was also not the same. Maybe you expected to move back and find everything the same as it used to be, and it wasn’t.
The same thing applied when my husband and I left our church for the first time. God called us away for a season, for about 14 years to be exact, and during this time away, we changed. I changed. I am no longer that person I was when I was there before. Everything that I experienced while away changed me, and hopefully, during that time, I became a better human.
Don’t get me wrong though. It wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies. When God called us away from our church, I was furious! This is the church that I had grown up in since I was 14, and we were very established there. I loved my church…probably more than I should have. My husband and I were both on staff at the time, and we had both of our children while there. We were married there. My family went there. My friends went there. To say that we were invested wholly is an understatement.
It was just comfortable. We had a routine. We were never really challenged. Life was great! The other people that were there had also been there for a long time. The people weren’t perfect. The church wasn’t perfect, but it was established. I wasn’t willing to give it up, even for something better (for both me and my family) at the time.
When God called us away, as I said, I was furious. At first, I told God no. I told Him that I wasn’t leaving. My husband had been feeling like it was time to leave, but I absolutely refused. My husband was getting offers for new jobs at other churches left and right, and that was great, but because they were all other churches, I ignored all the conversations and wouldn’t even talk to him about it.
Until one day, he came home and said that he had another job opportunity. He saved this information until he was walking back out the door because he didn’t know how I was going to react. However, when he told me about this opportunity at another church, I immediately felt the Holy Spirit completely calm me, and I said, “Yeah. I think you should pursue that.”
My husband was shocked! He immediately left the house before any explosion were to happen, but this time was different. There was no explosion. I felt such calmness and peace. I even shocked myself.
For the next few weeks, my husband went through a lot of discussions and meetings with the new church, and he was finally offered a job, but after this, something else happened. This was not the end of our new transition.
My husband accepted the new job offer, and I, again, refused to leave my church. I told my husband that he could go work for this other church, but I wasn’t going. My plan was that I would continue to work and attend at our church, while he worked at the other church. I didn’t see a problem with this because we both worked on Sundays anyway. We never attended church together. I mean, we never sat together. He was always in a sound booth or backstage, and I was always in the children’s wing or sitting with family. We were technically at the same services together, listening to the same messages, but never really sitting together. So, I figured he wouldn’t miss me anyway. It was no big deal. What’s the difference, right?
This went on for about a month. Brandon was working at the other church, while I stayed behind working at our old church. Deep down, I knew I was supposed to go with him and invest in this new place with him, but I was not having any part of it.
Until one day, I finally broke down and knew this was not what God had planned for our family. Through a series of more events, I put in my notice and finally left my home church.
I wish that I could tell you that everything began to come together after that and life was bliss because I obeyed, but I can’t, and it wasn’t.
In the process of my leaving, I also heard God tell me to leave certain people behind. This was extremely difficult because these people were my friends, who were close enough to also be considered family. This meant that I had to leave most everyone behind because everyone was so intertwined together. It meant that I had to say goodbye to more than just my location.
For the next year, I was mad at God… every day for an entire year, I felt mad at Him. I had just left my life behind (or so I thought), and became a stay-at-home mom to two very young boys…ages 1 and 4. I was lonely. I felt like I had no one.
When you work at a church, that becomes your whole life. It’s a bit different than working in corporate America. When changing jobs in corporate America, you can still attend your church. The only thing that really changes in that instance would be your weekday routine unless you move cities, then yes, it’s probably the same, but most people change jobs within their community, so they are still able to be with friends and family and attend their same church on the weekends.
It was very hard establishing any kind of relationship with any other adult while also being the best mom I could possibly be to these little boys, and processing through all my hurt at the same time.
From the beginning of this move, my husband was all in. He was working a lot because this was also a start-up church in a renovated building, and there was a lot to do at the beginning, and that kept him very busy. In the meantime, he is around people all day and establishing new friendships, while I am at home…
It took me about a year to become established in our new church. That was probably mostly my fault because of the bitterness I held toward God at the time, but it was what happened then, that finally gave me the release that I needed.
My friend, who was still attending our old church, asked me to come back and help her teach a VBS class for a week. I agreed to help and was eager to come back to see everyone. While I was there, I remember walking down the hallway and feeling a bit nostalgic while dragging my hand across the painted brick wall. This is the exact moment when I clearly heard God say, “This is no longer your church, and you need to leave.” It was so loud in my spirit that I considered leaving right then, but I finished out the week of VBS, as I promised I would, and left. I didn’t look back, and it would be years before I would return again.
And, over the next decade and a half, I changed, both spiritually and emotionally. I grew, and I like to think that I became a better person while I was away.
So, my husband and I spent the next 5 years learning to love people. Growing up, I was taught to help others, even how to step in and be a hero, per se, but I was never taught to love them in the process. Now, I know that in order to really be a hero to someone, you have to love them first. Otherwise, everything that you do returns empty and void. Jesus first loved us, and it was because of His love for us that he was able to lay down His life and show us the extent of God’s perfect love.
Then, after that, God moved us again, but this time I was ready, and I didn’t put up a fight because I knew it was time again. We had really become established in our new church, and we loved being there. We made some really great, long-lasting friendships there, but I still knew it was time to go.
We moved to another church where we spent the next 8 years learning to lead people. Apparently, teaching us to lead was a bit harder than teaching us to love. And, maybe that’s how it should be. Loving people should be easy. It should come naturally. We are created in the image of God, and He certainly knows how to love better than any of us.
So this is why we had to leave. God had things for us and to teach us. He also had big plans and changes coming for our old church as well, and maybe if we would have stayed and refused to leave, we could have ended up holding them back too. We could have ended up disrupting the plans that He had for both or all of us.
AND… when the world shut down in 2020, we suddenly and unexpectedly found ourselves back home. I’ll admit, I was very hesitant at first, and I kept asking, “Why would God call us back to a place He told us to leave?” I wrestled with that question over and over again, until one day, God said, “It isn’t the same place, and you aren’t the same people.”
At that moment, I realized that He didn’t call us back to the same place we were before. Sure, the location is the same, quite a few of the people there are the same, the name is even the same, but most of it is different now. Just like us, this place had also undergone big changes, and the time we spent away from each other was just preparing us for what He has for all of us now.
I also believe that if I had left, but never REALLY left everything and everyone behind like I did, I would not have experienced the level of growth that I have experienced during this time away. God had to completely remove me from my environment in order to accomplish the change He had planned for me.
There have been some really great things that have happened since we’ve returned home. I do want to be clear here though. It is NOT because we returned. It’s been because of God’s timing for all of us, and because of our submission to His will.
I tell my story today because, well, that’s what I feel like God is leading me to do. Telling my story is what He has been telling me to do for a long time, but I am always hesitant to be vulnerable.
But, I tell my story because maybe you find yourself in a similar place…maybe not with a church (or it could be) but maybe with family, maybe with your job situation. Maybe with yourself. Maybe it’s not a physical move but a mental move. Maybe God is trying to get you out of your head and move you away from your current thoughts and destructive ways, so He can change you, or grow you… Whatever the move that He’s trying to get you to do, my advice is to follow His promptings.
Had we never taken that leap of faith (or push, in my case), we would have never experienced the goodness God had for us then and now. He has so much to offer us that He had to move us in order to give it to us. We would have missed out on everything in exchange for our comfort.
I don’t know who needed to hear my story today, but I really hope that this gives you some encouragement and helps you to transform every attitude you may have about your current situation and God moving you. If He wants to move you, He has something grand for you. He has a reason. I know that I know that I know that God will not remove us from our current situation and nudge us somewhere different and then leave us. He’s not going to move us and then say, “Good luck on your new adventure. Let me know how it goes.” NO! He is going to be right there with you every step of the way…moving WITH you!
What do you feel like God is telling you to do that you are refusing to do? Where is He telling you to go that you are refusing to go? If He is telling you something, please don’t ignore Him anymore. It’s time to go!
